An asteroid about to hit the earth and destroy all life as we know it – what would you do? Who would you seek out? What sins would you reconcile, or what sins would you finally commit? What temptations would you finally make sure to fulfill? What past aggressions would you forgive and forget? What is that one thing that you always wanted to or were meant to get done but haven’t so far?
I saw this film, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, tonight and I got to say – I am neither a friend of Steven Carell or Keira Knightley (though to her defense, I do enjoy her mother’s plays – her mother happens to be Sharman Macdonald), I was still happily surprised by this film. Not in the sense that the end of the world is anything to be excited about, but in the sense of some good storytelling.
And as always, a good story gets me thinking – and I do got my thinking onesie on. Am I lonely when I am alone? What would I do if the end of the world was imminent? Would I make a mad dash around the world to get to my family or would I be content with the notion they know I love them, cherish them and have always appreciated every bit of their existence?
Then I read this interesting article – and after, honestly too many, “you’ll find someone”, “you’ll want to settle down soon”, “you’ll change your mind when you meet someone” even after I’ve explicitly expressed my opinion about procreation and marriage and whatnot – I find it uplifting to not be alone in the idea that being on my own is not condemnable. For example, “if our society still struggles to accept someone on their own – especially if that someone is a woman”(1), it doesn’t mean it’s not all right. I do seek out human contact; I have my friends, I have a family and I have my cats (yes, some call me crazy cat lady). I am alone but I am not lonely. I am alone but I am no actively seeking to have a partner on my side.
I have, in the past, been very concerned about being with someone. The more I tried, the more I realised I would end of in relationships I would feel I was “settling” in or I was unhappy otherwise, just afraid to break it off in the fear of being alone. I would go on dates, get involved and then something dramatically unsettling would happen, or what is worse – absolutely nothing would happen. So what’s the point?
Is there an age limit when those around me can finally accept that if I say I’m happy to be on my own and I don’t want to have kids? I’m setting my sights to thirty – which is a bit more than a year away so buckle up, buddies – I ain’t getting hitched. And those who know me, know my dating habits are not the most conventional as such. Most recent dating ended up in a dramatic bust and then there’s the on-off-on-again music-man that just unravels my head, heart and body in a single word. Maybe I don’t make the safest, wisest or most life-easing choices. But I never have, it seems. The head-first-through-the-hardest-of-stones-attitude runs in my family. I learn through mistakes and I build my personality by doing it my way. It’s really not that I couldn’t find anyone to share my existence with if I set my mind and body to it – I just don’t particularly want to.
Although, what I’ve learned and will keep reminding others and especially myself of, is never say never. So, I won’t say ever never but I will say I am pretty confident that I am just as content being on my couch, reading a book, watching a film, writing a random thought out, designing a book as I am in building my career, planning ahead, working my butt off, as I am on doing all that on my own without a partner to validate me or my efforts.
So, can all those who love me concede I am happy and be happy for me? Well, I could use a more interesting, creatively demanding and based on my education kind of job but hey – nothing’s perfect and it’s all about one step at a time, ain’t it?
1 – Being single by choice is liberating, says Hannah Betts, http://www.telegraph.co.uk
Also, read more, if you speak the language, as this is not just an Anglophone thing:
Egoistische Zweisamkeit: Ersatzreligion Liebe, http://www.faz.net/
Moni sanoo parisuhteelle ei kiitos, http://www.hs.fi/