Is a “no” always a “no”?
Yes. Yes it is.
When it comes to something so personal. So precious. Almost vulnerable. There is no excuse for not understanding that word. When you’re in such an intimate situation – and believe me it has been a long road for someone like, me with trust-issues up to my eyelids, to even get to that point to put myself into that situation with someone – you are supposed to feel safe, pampered, relaxed. Ready to take a plunge, to share something of yourself that not too many (well, what’s many anyway?) have been able to share with you before. Have you ever been in that situation? The first nervous experiences and attempts, the first time you let someone so close, first time you’re willing to share a bit about yourself…
And suddenly it is something else. Turned into evil. Spoiled. The whole experience tainted. You were betrayed in the most ultimate level. It leaves a mark when something like that happens. It takes a long time before you trust again. Before you let someone so close. And the anger, the betrayal, the suspicions, the fear to let go and commit again – to ever allow someone so close again.
But you do. Because that is human nature. We are not meant to be alone. Social creatures as we are it is that very condition that is our curse. Some learn to choose wisely, some fall to the same types over and over again, never learning, not recognising the pitfalls that have been crystal clear since the beginning. Trust is a funny thing. Want and need to share is inherent with us.
So you start seeing someone new. You go out a few times. You share some anecdotes. Candle lit dinners. Walks on the beach. Fireworks. You have that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach that some call butterflies. You’ve learned to call it gut feeling. But you convince yourself you’re being paranoid. You talk it through with your very best friends who also convince you you’re being paranoid, and you should give it a go because you deserve to be happy. So you do.
And then comes that night. You’re comfortable. You’re about to share something extraordinary. You’re nervous, glancing around you, taking a fortifying sip of your wine. It’s now or never. Your hand reaches out and…
And then the bastard takes the last piece of pizza anyway like it’s no big deal. Pig.
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